Men vs Weight Gain and Relationships

Well,


There's been a ridiculous amount of coverage (and hand wringing) over a recent poll by AskMen


In it, a little more than half of the men who responded said that they'd dump their partner if she gained weight.


Now, let's first ignore the fact that no specific number was used. That's red flag number one, but it makes itself irrelevant.


This poll, and some of the media reaction to it, remind me of a scenario I found myself in. I had the opportunity to sit in on some presentations for a psychology class years ago. A few of the projects were on video. In one such video, the student had done group interviews of females and males. (Each gender was interviewed as a group. No "co-ed" groups.) At one point, the student asked the group of males the same question about weight gain. The response from one guy about "Yeah, if she put on a few pounds, I'd be upset" elicited gasps from the ladies watching the video. It shouldn't have.


Here's why:



Men and women have VASTLY different concepts of "a few pounds." A woman will freak out over a 4lb weight gain from the BBQ on the weekend. A guy won't even know she's put on 4lbs until she tells him. Honestly.

If you showed a man two pictures of the same woman at different weights, he couldn't tell. The difference in weight could probably go as high as 10, maybe 15, pounds and he wouldn't know. Men don't look for "fat ankles" or bloating, or puffy whatever. As I mentioned earlier though, a woman thinks 5lbs is a disaster. Trust me ladies. It's not. Even if you were dating Tony Little, I don't think you really need to worry about gaining weight ruining your relationship.

Remember, though. I'm talking about "a few" pounds here. If either partner adds 20+ % to their body mass, there may be troubles ahead. That kind of "letting go" could be a signal that there's less caring going on. Excluding various medical conditions, of course. Pregnancy weight, medication issues, quitting smoking...all of these can cause body fluctuations and can be hard to get rid of. (trust me. I know. quitting smoking cost me about 50lbs that I'm having a hell of a time getting rid of.)

So, when this topic comes up around the water cooler, or your local forum again, and it will since it's a kind of slow news summer, remember this. While media focuses on the "about half" of men who'd dump, that means "about half" won't. And the half that would? Most of them won't notice if you added 5lbs at that party last week.

Until next time.